So I had my first date friday =3 I also saw him yesterday/today. I’m excited to finally be getting what I’ve been asking for for so long. On the other hand, I’m scared out of my mind. I can’t feelings. I’m terrified of kissing because not only have I never done it before, once you kiss someone it’s real. The thought of actually having a relationship now, when its obtainable, is just terrifying quite honestly. I’ve never had one. I mean I think I like him but this stress is warping my opinions. Every time I think about an us I get freaked out and confused. Do I really like him? Do I want this? Do I just like the idea of a boyfriend? I’m so confused right now and all my friends are really pushing us together which freaks me out more. I need to think, talk it out with someone who’s going to listen and try to help, not just tell me to go for it and do shit that’s making me uncomfortable just cause guys like initiative girls or whatever. I tried talking to someone about this but they were like “no, I don’t think you’re confused. He’s a really nice guy, give it a shot”. I’m just scared. Maybe because I don’t like being confined and right now I feel like I don’t have any other option but to date him. I hope the stress of life and lack of sleep is just making me think like this. I mean, he is a nice guy but there’s just certain things…Idk, I guess I’ll give it a shot and see. Sometimes I hate how much I think about everything.
